Why the Relationship Between Therapist and Client Is So Important in Therapy
Why the Relationship Between Therapist and Client Is So Important in Therapy
A Simple Look at What Really Helps People Feel Better in Therapy
When someone goes to therapy, they usually hope to feel better. They may want to feel less sad, less anxious, or more confident. There are many kinds of therapy out there—verbally expressing your feelings, learning new ways to think, or using the creative process to express and understand oneself. But did you know that one of the most important parts of therapy isn’t the method the therapist uses?
It’s the relationship between the therapist and the client.
That might sound surprising, but many experts and researchers agree: having a strong, caring relationship with your therapist is one of the best ways to help you heal and grow.
What Is the “Therapeutic Relationship”?
The “therapeutic relationship” is the connection between the therapist and the person going to therapy. It’s about trust, respect, and working together as a team. A strong therapeutic relationship occurs when the client feels seen, heard, known and understood.
A famous psychologist named Carl Rogers (1957) believed that people can grow and heal when they are treated with kindness, honesty, and understanding. He said that therapy works best when the therapist is warm, real, and really listens to the client.
How Early Relationships Affect Us: Object Relations Theory
To understand why the therapy relationship matters so much, let’s look at a theory called Object Relations Theory. I know, it has a very confusing name to express a simple concept. This theory explains how our early relationships with our parents or caregivers shape how we feel about ourselves and others.
Experts like Melanie Klein (1952), Donald Winnicott (1965), and Otto Kernberg (1976) said that when we are very young, we learn how relationships work from the people who take care of us. If those early relationships are loving and safe, we learn to trust others and feel good about ourselves. But if those early relationships were scary or hurtful, we might grow up feeling unsure, scared, or even unlovable.
In therapy, the therapist becomes someone who can help “rewrite” those old relationship patterns. When the therapist is kind, calm, and dependable, it gives the client a new, healthier kind of relationship—one they might never have had before.
Winnicott (1965) called this kind of therapy a “holding environment.” The container the therapist creates through the relationship acts as the holding environment where the client can safely express difficult emotions and experiences.
What Does the Research Say?
Many research studies have shown that the relationship between the therapist and client is more important than the type of therapy used.
One big study by Wampold (2001) found that what really helps people in therapy isn’t just the methods or techniques—it’s what all good therapies have in common, an especially a strong relationship.
Another study by Horvath, Del Re, Flückiger, and Symonds (2011) showed that the better the relationship between the therapist and client, the more likely it is that the client will feel better.
Safran and Muran (2000) studied what happens when the therapist and client have a disagreement or misunderstanding. They found that when these “ruptures” happen and then get repaired (talked about and worked through), it can actually make the relationship stronger and help the client grow.
Healing Through a New Relationship
If someone had hard or painful relationships growing up, they might feel nervous about trusting others. Therapy gives them a chance to try again—with a new kind of relationship.
In Object Relations Therapy, the therapist helps the client feel safe and accepted. Over time, the client may begin to feel more confident and secure in themselves. This can help them build better relationships outside of therapy, too.
Otto Kernberg (1984) worked with people who had very tough emotional problems. He found that a strong relationship with a therapist could help people feel more whole and balanced inside.
It’s Not Always Easy
Therapists have to be very careful with this relationship. Because it’s so powerful, they need to be respectful, honest, and thoughtful. They also have to be aware of their own feelings so they don’t accidentally hurt the client.
It’s also important to know that therapy is a team effort. The client’s feelings and actions matter just as much. A study by Tryon, Blackwell, and Hammel (2007) showed that how the client feels about the relationship is one of the best clues to whether therapy is helping.
So What Really Helps in Therapy?
All kinds of therapy can help people. But what almost every kind of therapy has in common is a strong, trusting relationship between therapist and client. That relationship is what makes people feel safe enough to change and grow.
Object Relations Theory helps us understand why this relationship matters so much. It’s not just about talking or learning skills—it’s about feeling seen, heard, and cared for in a way that might be very new. That kind of connection can be deeply healing.
Final Thoughts
In the end, therapy is about more than techniques or homework—it’s about people. It’s about building a safe, supportive relationship where someone can finally feel okay being themselves. That relationship is where the real magic happens. If you are looking for that kind of relationship, we have multiple therapists accepting new clients. Reach out for a short consultation or to book an appointment at 239-297-7099.
References
- Horvath, A. O., Del Re, A. C., Flückiger, C., & Symonds, D. (2011). Alliance in individual psychotherapy. Psychotherapy, 48(1), 9–16.
- Kernberg, O. F. (1976). Object-Relations Theory and Clinical Psychoanalysis. Jason Aronson.
- Kernberg, O. F. (1984). Severe Personality Disorders: Psychotherapeutic Strategies. Yale University Press.
- Klein, M. (1952). Developments in Psychoanalysis. Hogarth Press.
- Norcross, J. C., & Lambert, M. J. (2011). Psychotherapy relationships that work: Evidence-based responsiveness. Oxford University Press.
- Rogers, C. R. (1957). The necessary and sufficient conditions of therapeutic personality change. Journal of Consulting Psychology, 21(2), 95–103.
- Safran, J. D., & Muran, J. C. (2000). Negotiating the Therapeutic Alliance: A Relational Treatment Guide. Guilford Press.
- Tryon, G. S., Blackwell, S. C., & Hammel, E. F. (2007). A meta-analytic examination of client–therapist agreement on the working alliance. Psychotherapy Research, 17(6), 629–642.
- Wampold, B. E. (2001). The Great Psychotherapy Debate: Models, Methods, and Findings. Lawrence Erlbaum.
- Winnicott, D. W. (1965). The Maturational Processes and the Facilitating Environment. International Universities Press.