The Inner Perfectionist (IP) often employs All-Or-Nothing or Black & White thinking traps which can result in us not taking any action at all. Have you ever found yourself feeling stuck? That could be the work of the Inner Perfectionist. The IP holds the belief that things must be perfect or they aren’t worth doing, or worthy of sharing them with others.
There is a strong emotion that is driving the voice of the IP – anxiety.
Anxiety functions to alert us to a problem and to get us to take action to solve it. If it grows, this can flip our survival system into high gear. It signals us to either fight, flee, freeze or fawn. Stuck is another word for freeze.
One of the best cognitive strategies that I have found to help fight against the IP is to focus on practice. Every person who excels employs practice. Olympian athletes practice. Lawyers practice. Doctors practice. Therapists practice. Football players practice. Artists practice.
I don’t have to be perfect at this, I am here to practice. Whatever that may be. Practice being a parent. Practice playing the piano. Practice writing. Practice dancing. Practice being kind to yourself. Practice getting up on time. Practice training your dog. Practice lifting weights. Practice running. Practice drinking enough water. Practice.
That is why I titled the blog – Practice Over Perfection. The more common expression is Progress Over Perfection. The way we make progress is through the act of practice. It is a commitment to the process of doing the thing. Focus on the process rather than the outcome.
By focusing on the process, we make space for mistakes to happen and learning to occur. Mistakes are not inherently bad. They often lead to exciting discoveries and opportunities for growth.
As a society, there is so much pressure on people to “be perfect” at everything. And that sets us all up for failure.
Changing this inner dialogue also takes….you guessed it – practice.
There is a therapeutic modality that can accelerate the rewiring of stuck limiting beliefs. It is called Eye Movement Desensitization & Reprocessing (EMDR). In EMDR, they are referred to as negative cognitions.
EMDR releases the negative belief and replaces it with a positive one, through a visualization process and bi-lateral stimulation. That is a fancy way of saying sensory input is happening on both sides of the body in an alternating pattern. We naturally do this when we dream – our eyes move back and forth. Walking is another form of bilateral stimulation. In our office, we use hand buzzers to facilitate this process. Some therapists use a light bar or their finger to guide the client’s eye back and forth.
This process can produce transformational results. Sometimes the changes are subtle and other times radical. It can help turn the volume down on the critical or perfectionistic voices and replace them with a more empowered, confident voice.
If you, or someone you love, could benefit from this transformational therapy, we have 4 EMDRIA trained EMDR therapists in our practice excited to help others live more empowered lives. To schedule an intake with one of us, call or text 239-297-7099.