1.) Release Expectations for yourself or others. Find a place of “good enough”.
Unrealistic Expectations are often a thief of Joy. We are so busy trying to get everything to be a certain way, we don’t even enjoy the experience.
This might show up looking like having the best light display on the block, decorations in every room of the house, the most incredible spread on the dinner table, or buying and wrapping the “perfect” gifts for every single person in your life.
Consider scaling back traditions. We tend to place cultural emphasis on “Bigger is Better,” but that isn’t necessarily true or accurate.
If you typically host the family holiday meal at your home for your extended family and that feels overwhelming, change it up and only host coffee and dessert. Or, dare I suggest cancel hosting altogether.
Instead of putting so much pressure on yourself to do ALL THE THINGS, let go and do the bare minimum. Yes, the BARE MINIMUM. That is often more than enough.
2.) Ask for Help. You Don’t Have to Do Everything By Yourself.
This one is not lost on me. Asking for help is difficult for many of us. If you grew up in a household where you had to be resourceful, or learned asking for help got you into trouble, you learn quickly that it is just easier to do things yourself. The saying “If you want it right, do it yourself,” also is popular for a reason.
The truth is, not asking for help sets us up for frustration, resentment and overwhelm. These are not ingredients for an emotionally enjoyable holiday.
Ask others to help. If people in your family are not willing to help, do you have it in your budget to hire someone to help?
In graduate school, I took a job putting up and taking down holiday decorations for a couple who loved the tradition but didn’t have the time to do it themselves. It was a win-win.
If it isn’t in your budget to hire someone to help decorate, go back to #1 – identify how much holiday decor is good enough.
If you typically host and prepare the entire meal for your extended family, ask each family to contribute an appetizer, side, beverage or dessert. Thus, having others share the responsibility for the celebration.
Our family and friends aren’t mind readers. They might not realize we need help if we have never asked for it.
Ever noticed those who demonstrate they capable when asked to do more will accept often at the expense of their own well-being? This is not a coincidence. We teach people how to treat us. This brings us to tip #3.
3.) Set and Maintain Healthy Boundaries.
Boundaries are designed to keep us safe. They also protect our life force energy. There are certain people and/or situations that for whatever reason cause a drain in our energy levels.
If you have ever experienced clinical levels of depression, you know what it feels like to have all your energy depleted. It can make little things like brushing ones’ teeth feel like a climb up Mount Everest.
It is okay to say No to spending time with people for any reason you choose without explanation. That is your personal right!
This time of year there are many “happenings and gatherings” occurring. It is okay to be selective about which invites you accept. You don’t have to go to all of them.
Different people have different social batteries. Some fuel up in big gatherings, while others are more like your old I-phone 7 in need of frequent recharging in order to function.
It is important to know oneself. If you get drained at social events – be selective at which ones you choose to attend, if any at all. It might be your family gathering is all the social battery will tolerate.
Remember, your job is not to make others happy or create a situation designed for them to feel good about you. It is to care, love and respect yourself.
We can say ,”No” to others while being respectful to oneself and others at the same time. This is called assertive communication.
Example, Your colleague, John, approaches you in the hall at the office and states, “Hi, Joanie, the company Christmas party is next Friday. We haven’t received your RSVP for you and your spouse. Your secret Santa is Eloise. Don’t forget to sign up for what you are bringing to pass.”
Here is an assertive script to respond to John. “Thank you for the reminder, John. Please mark us down as unable to attend. I will not be participating in the Secret Santa exchange, so please take my name out and distribute Eloise’s name to someone else. I hope you all have a wonderful time celebrating.”
Notice Joanie doesn’t give any explanation about why she is unable to attend nor participating in the gift exchange.
Sometimes people may react poorly to boundaries being set; however, it bears repeating that you are not responsible for other peoples feelings. It is your responsibility to care, love and respect yourself.
Boundaries do this for us.
They protect our life force energy and honor our needs.
They help us THRIVE in situations that would typically create feelings of overwhelm.
All of us at Florida Art Therapy Services, wish you and yours a healthy, loving and joyful holiday season.